How to Cope up Following a Break-up


Relationships are majorly made up of two people who have mutually agreed to be together with one another. In some cases, relationships ultimately lead to marriage while others end halfway. There are different reasons as to why relationships between two partners might end. Some common reasons include unfaithfulness, a decrease in mutual attraction and liking between the two partners and in some cases irreconcilable differences. Once a relationship breaks and one of the other party seems not interested in solving the relationship it is important for the parties involved to move on with their lives instead of hanging around each other. Once the common glue that held the relationship together is no longer available, it is important for all parties to agree to move on mutually. Holding on to a broken relationship only results in psychological torture and depression which could have serious negative effects on the life of any individual. Moving on in a relationship is not an event. The moving on period normally depends on the nature of the relationship. If the relationship was more serious and had taken more time, like two or more years, the moving on period may take longer compared to a relationship that ended only a few months after coming into existence. Coping up after a break up in a relationship involves coping with the grief, staying strong, learning to thrive and moving on.


Coping With Grief

Coping with grief is the first and most important step in coping up with a breakup. First, all affected parties must accept that the pain they feel is normal. Scientists have previously shown that breaks ups normally illicit the same pathways in the brain when an individual feels physical pain. During this period, it is important for an individual to let out this pain in whatever form they feel like. Letting out pain differs among individuals. Some opt to cry all day and night and refuse to eat, others express their emotions through different pursuits such as music and art while others seek a leaning shoulder to either a friend or family member. It is important for all individuals to let out their pain in a more reserved manner. Engaging in acts such as that are unhealthy such as over drinking of alcohol or in violent confrontations may not help in the current situation.

Another commonly used method is expressing how you feel through writing. This is one of the most operative methods in which an individual can express their thoughts and deepest feelings. It is important to reflect on the experiences while individuals were in a relationship, after the relationship and any forms of fears that an individual may be feeling towards future relationships. One could also choose to include the reasons as to why the relationship did not work out in the first place. When expressing your feelings through writing, focus should not be placed on grammar or the language that an individual is using. After writing all of this in a journal, it is important to re-examine the journal. This is important because it assists an individual in understanding why they are feeling in a certain way. It is important not to focus on self-blaming statements that may be present in the journal since they are more likely to lead to feelings of self-depression. After examining individual feelings, it is necessary to re-affirm some beliefs an individual felt. Self-confidence levels normally decrease after breaking off from a relationship. It is during this process that most people limit interaction with all the other parties in their lives. It is important at this stage to challenge any negative with positive emotions that normally made an individual stand out. Also, an individual can recognize their most desirable personal attributes and bring them out in the best manner possible... During this time, it is advisable to engage yourself in hobbies or activities that reduce the period in which individuals think about the relationship. It is during this period that an individual should engage in activities such as dancing, hiking or any activity that an individual feels happy when engaging in. It’ s important to remember all the good times spent when engaging in such activities. Such hobbies detach an individual from a broken relationship and diverge the minds attention to matters that might be hurting an individual.

Lastly, it is critical that an individual seeks support from either friends or families. Some family members have gone through the same experiences and would serve to provide the best advice when it comes to adjusting to life after a relationship. Not all friends may provide appropriate advice, and as a result, the final decision maker should always remain you. In some cases, friends may turn to be too protective to the extent that they may start bad mouthing your ex-partner. Such intentions should be discouraged from the beginning because they are they only open up the scars and not solve the problem at hand.

Staying Strong

Staying strong after the relationship is the second step in coping up with a broken relationship. It is advisable that during this time individual cuts off all the existing link with their ex-partners. This necessarily means that there should be no form of communication between the associated parties. It is normal to have a feeling of desperation after the relationship has broken to the point of contacting your ex-partner. However, it is important to remember the main reasons as to why the separation took place first before choosing to engage your partner in the form of any conversation. Romantic relationships are known to stimulate the release of dopamine from the brain making an individual feel rewarded in a given way. Immediately after a break up the brain keeps on treating such feelings as an addiction. No matter how hard it may be, it is essential that an individual does not give into such feelings. Several phases can be taken to ensure that there is no contact with your ex-partner. One option is completely deleting their number from the phone book and not utilizing any form communication in contacting them. Also, it is important to reduce any issues related to cyberstalking. It is very wrong to look up an ex-partner on either Instagram or Facebook since more time will be spent focusing on the past instead of the future. It is also important to not post any vague comments or status on social media applications in a bid for attention. Such activities do not assist individuals in moving up with their lives. Instead, it makes individuals run up in various unending cycles of self-denial.

It is also important to get rid of all the past mementos that may remind an individual about their past. It is necessary to delete the photos of your ex-partner in any of the social media accounts. Also, resisting from urges that remind you of your ex-partner is also important. Most memories are never triggered by any even sounds and scents and therefore it is important for people to acknowledge the important role that this person once played in their lives. However, they should never remain at the same point in their lives waiting got their long gone partners.

Playing safe or nice and avoiding rash decisions would also help in coping up with the above issues. There are certain cases where individuals have in the recent past forced have sought revenge against their partners. In the process, they have engaged in violent acts such as personal confrontations in public places, cat fights, and damage to property. Instead, you should choose to keep yourself busy and avoid such negative thoughts. Reading of novels would consume more time and reduce the time spent planning negative issues. Other methods of spending more time on important issues may involve picking up of a new sport and going out to meet new people. Engaging in physical exercise is also another elaborate method of getting over and releasing stress and frustrations. Formulation of a specific exercise regime would be ideal in the case above.

Learning to Thrive

Learning to thrive is the next step in coping up. It involves learning to leave without your ex-partner in your life. There are several methods in which this can be readily achieved. Having fun with friends will help keep out any feeling of being alone or being depressed about the relationship. It also reduces feelings of anger and increases feelings of positivity. Treating yourself is another method commonly used to forget about everything else. During this period, you can go out once or twice and get a present or gift for yourself. Alternatively, one could choose to engage in community activities such as visiting of children homes or engaging in social welfare marathons. It is also necessary for all individuals to remain positive throughout the whole experience. Any negative thoughts should be quashed out of the brain at the appropriate moment.

Moving On

The last step is normally moving on with your life. Under this, it is important to forgive and forget all individuals who cause you pain in your life. One way of forgetting is by remembering that the relationship was made up of two parties and that before any of the parties met, they were living in peace. During this time, the emphasis should be on knowledge what necessarily went wrong in the relationship and attempting to solve such a problem so that it never occurs again in any relationship. Although break-ups hurt both parties, it provides an opportunity to meet new people in life, and the process increases chances of an individual getting into another relationship. However, this step should never be rash and should be only initiated once an individual has fully recovered from the other relationship. During this period there is a high probability of an individual taking the time to discover what they want in life and how they get there in life. This time helps people identify their hobbies and rediscover their inner being in the process improving who they are. It’s necessary to come out of your comfort zone and start exploring life in a different manner. During this period taking risks and engaging in new activities would prove to be very useful for parties that have recently separated. Lastly, break up never lasts forever and time is said to be the best healer. Therefore, with time all of this feeling will come to pass.


Coping up with any romantic relationship is not easy. Nonetheless, a series of steps could gradually help alleviate pain creating room for people’s attitudes and feelings to change. The method involves coping with grief, staying strong and moving on. The ultimate goal is to ensure that an individual has relatively coped well with stress.

Apr 27, 2020 in Communications
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